My New Breast Friend

Sorry Ericka. Sorry Cari. Sorry Summer. You’ve been replaced. My new best friend is my new breast friend. She’s black, stands about 1 foot tall and has seen me topless more times than I can count.

 

Since June 28th, four days after Faith was born, I have been “pumping.” No, not “up the jam” but my breasteses. The breastfeeding thing didn’t work out as a)Faith was a lazy eater and b)I got so engorged my boobs ballooned up to the size that comes after 34Z. I have been pumping 4-5 times a day since.

Since I feel my husband sometimes fails to appreciate this, let’s do the math. That’s about 9 weeks of pumping at 6 a.m. 10 a.m. 2 p.m. 6 p.m. and 10 p.m., so five times a day. 5 X 7 days a week = 35 times a week (woohoo multiplication tables, you’ve finally mattered in real life). 35 X 9 = (wait one second while I use my computer calculator)…=315 .

About a week before I went back to work I started pumping only 4 times a day (ONLY, I know)! So for the past about 7 weeks, I’ve pumped at 6 a.m., 11 a.m. 4 p.m. and 9 p.m. 4 X 7 is 28. 28 X 7 = 196. 196 + 315 = (carry the one….) a grand total of 511, give or take a few.

511 TIMES. (Rob, are you reading this!? If so, I’ve always thought I looked good in diamonds). At about 20 minutes per time, that’s, like, a lot. Probably, 525,600 minutes. Haha, just kidding, it’s only 10,200, or 170 hours. I’ve done it in car (both moving and parked) on the floor, but mainly on the couch and twice while drunk (don’t judge me, a girl’s gotta tailgate). While it may seem like I’m complaining, I am not. I do it all for this little girl, also known as the cutest baby in the WWW.

It has resulted in my freezer looking like this:

My plan is to continue with my four times a day method until Faith is 6 months old, also known as Christmas Eve. Then I will pump three times a day until March when she is 9 months, and then just two times a day until she turns 1. I just have to write this down because maybe that way I’ll feel accountable to continue. I’m not going to do the math on how many more times that will be because I think my boobs would go into hiding. And we don’t want that. Faith needs me. Or should I say she needs her moooooo-ther.

So ladies, how about it? Please share your breastfeeding trials/triumphs with me (as a comment) so I don’t feel so alone.