Guest Post: What Not to Wear

In case you missed it, my guest post on Sota is Sexy went up Saturday!

I’m very grateful to Katrina for allowing me to hijack her blog for a day. The post was well-received, with more than 20 likes and quite a few comments, so the moral of the story is: don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, even if you’re wearing horrible, horrible clothes.

I encourage you to visit Katrina’s blog. Today she’s writing from her dog’s perspective, kinda like how I do my Christmas letters as Faith, so I’m fairly confident we were separated at birth — only she’s two years younger than me. Anyway, please try not to laugh so hard you have to tell people you spilled “water” on your lap while looking at the photos of me in my guest post.

For archiving purposes, I’m posting it below

What Not to Wear
Before I begin, I just want to say thanks to Katrina for the opportunity to guest post on her awesome blog. I found it the day she posted the Epic Pinterest Fail and the next thing you know, two hours of my workday: gone. Call it love at first procrastination, if you will.

I do have a blog of my own called Life as a Lindquist, in which I write about–you guessed it—life with my husband of almost five years, Rob, our almost two-year-old daughter, Faith, and our almost potty trained, 5-pound Maltese dog, Howie.
Here they are:

And here’s the story behind how that picture came to be.
But today I’m not here to talk about them. (You can learn more about my family on another workday). Today I’m here to talk to you about fashion. Or, “what not to wear when you meet your new neighbor.”

I read about Katrina meeting her neighbor, and you think I would’ve learned the importance of first impressions from that, but nooooooo. I just had to be wearing this shirt when I walked outside last Sunday and had no choice but to introduce myself to Alicia.

Dolphins wearing sunglasses. Really, Nicole? You have 342 t-shirts and you picked that one? My husband didn’t fair much better. He was sporting this fine gem as we headed out for our nightly walk.

In case you can’t decipher that oh-so-clever equation, it translates to “The Pen is Mightier Than the Sword” also known as the Thomas Jefferson High School Journalism t-shirt. (My husband is a teacher there). The good news is I wasn’t wearing mine too. The only thing worse than dolphins with sunglasses on an almost 30-year-old woman is matching husband-wife t-shirts.

Following our neighborly encounter, I got to thinking about my history of first impressions. When I moved to a new school in fifth grade, it was my first time picking out what to wear having come from a private, Catholic gradeschool.

I wish my mom would’ve had the heart to tell me that though supporting the Omaha
Henry Doorly Zoo is important, I didn’t need to wear a shirt with this on it…

I do believe I became known as “girl-who-wore-a-frog-shirt-on-the-first-day-of-school” until at least 7th grade. That was when I decided to turn things around…start the school year off right…you know, by sporting an oversized, airbrushed shirt with you-know-who on it.

Not sure what I was thinking there, as I never even liked cartoons all that much. Apparently, I was just drawn in by his giant head?

In preparing for this post, I asked my mom to find the two pictures above. Since she couldn’t find one of them – bless her heart – she decided to make up for it by bringing me 11 pictures in which I was wearing questionable outfits. Thanks, Mom! Now you tell me.

And because Katrina gave me no other stipulations for this guest post other than that I try to be funny…and because I already have no shame….and because my mom went to all the trouble of locating these photos, I give you, “What Not to Wear….Ever”

I wish I’ve would’ve kept this for the sole purpose of an 80s party.

We’re both wondering the same thing: isn’t that a tablecloth?!

You wanna know the worst part about this outfit – I wore it for school pictures.

I once wore this sweater with Mickey Mouse boxer shorts and Mickey Mouse socks when reading a book about -surprise- Mickey Mouse, at a nursing home.

I was way ahead of my time with Mom jeans in 8th grade.

Another first day of school picture – I’d progressed to Tigger by this point apparently.

Hope you all had a good laugh at my expense. I know I did. Who wants to make me feel better/themselves feel worse and share some “what not to wear” photos? Or you could just nominate me for that show…on one condition…I get to keep my dolphins shirt.